i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
