if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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