dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
