got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
