i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
