I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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