me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
