If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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