The maid of honor just puked.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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