I feel great
I just peed on a car
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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