Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
