i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
