This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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