i barfeds in our rink
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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