K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
