Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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