Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
