Will you blow on my dice?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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