should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
