i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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