so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
