he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
