Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
