the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
