When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
