I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
that may or may not have been my penis.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
