Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
