got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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