stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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