I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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