I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
