this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
