ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
