Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
