I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
