He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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