Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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