he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
