We're facebook friends in real life
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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