If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Mom said you looked used
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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