hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
