mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
