Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
