The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
