He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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