i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
