Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
