I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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