Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
