4 words: hood of his car
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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