I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
