No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
