I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
