I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
