my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
