he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
